THIS WEEK'S WINS

Inflation is fueling increased demand for affordable meat options, such as Vienna Sausage. Plus, after a challenging day of train-hopping, it’s a satisfying and tasty choice.
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Recent data indicates that over 22 million student papers were likely written by AI, potentially displacing a significant number of human plagiarizers from their usual work.
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Drugs similar to Ozempic are showing promise in potentially aiding the treatment of Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, heart disease, and other conditions.
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The federal government is investing $2.4 billion to advance artificial intelligence across various sectors.
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DRAGS
& DRIFTS

🗞️

GOOD NEWS
RISING

Uber Eats is experimenting with a social media-style feed reminiscent of TikTok. The challenge now is to devise a way to apply a playful “if-you-were-blond” filter to a sandwich, adding a humorous twist to food presentation.
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Searches for “Why do my eyes hurt” have spiked following the eclipse. It’s humorously anticipated that queries like “Why can’t I read these search results?” will increase shortly thereafter.
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A museum worker was dismissed after displaying his personal artwork on the premises. In a humorous twist, he plans to exhibit his termination notice, framed, at his subsequent place of employment.
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Attention petting zoos and Satanists: A Sicilian island, currently overrun with goats, is generously offering these caprine creatures to anyone interested, without any inquiries or conditions.
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CHRONIC BLUNDERS